You Ready? I don't even have to ask.....

Denial…that’s what I have been in for years. I will admit that. You have tried many times to call my hand on it, and I brushed it off as you trying to get to know me when I didn’t want you to. I was too busy doing my thing and really not picking up on the vibes that were so very apparent. Actually, I was blocking them and I knew I was. I guess I finally realized it when you asked me if I knew someone or had a friend that you could “get to know”. At first I said no, then I said I did know someone and I introduced the two of you. Now, while I don’t regret introducing you two because I think we are all still cool friends even after the drama of a certain person who is way to old to behave in such a manner, I DO regret not speaking up and telling you that I wanted you in the worst way. I will say that I was a little jealous when she told me what the business was really about. Hell, that should have been me. But a closed mouth doesn’t get fed, right?

Through whatever conversation we were having one day, something was said and you stated to me, “I told you that I would hit a long time ago”. When you said that I got to thinking back: a look here, a comment there, little sly shit here, a suggestion there. I got to thinking yoooo, my dude is so serious about this!! So, here is what I’m going to say to you: Its all good, for real. I can’t deny this anymore, it would be completely asinine of me to continue doing so. Dreams(as vivid as they can be, oohh-wee), constant thoughts that keep me staring into space and unfocused.The denial stops here. I know you got me because we have talked about this along time ago, about how I haven’t been with a whole lot of men and you are going to have to take it easy on a sista—at first anyway. I know you got me…yeah, I know you got me. Anticipation is a muthafucka.

And you wonder why....

You know, some people bring certain things upon themselves. There is a corner store in the area of the city where I live. When I was younger it was ran by a man who was robbed, shot in the butt(ouch!) and then the perps took his gold teeth out of his mouth (double ouch!). Then came along Barbara Jo. She and her husband bought the place and kept it going with reasonable prices for as long as they could. They sold it to this young couple whose prices were not only too high but they kept going up up every time you turned around. Needless to say they closed it about 2 years ago, I think.

Fast forward to 2008.

Some other people have bought the place and they took a little while to get it all fixed up and ready to open for business. They finally get it open and although no one since BJ has sold alcohol, they have a beer neon brightly lit up in the window as well as beer flag pennants hanging around the building--but they claim that they do not sell it. Well, why advertise it then?I have never been there since they opened because there are always too many people just hanging around and doing nothing. To me thats a recipe for disaster. So, I guess that there has been talk around the area that this is a place where a lot of " N'ere-do-wells" congregate and that they are doing all types of unlawful things there and it gets back around to them. They go and print up all of these flyers and distribute them to area churches and businesses. Basically, the flyers say that they are not drug dealers and they are just a family owned business trying to make a living. They wish people would stop saying these things and come and utilize their products and services.

Okay, that is all well and good, but what do you expect people to think when each and every time you drive past, there is a shit load of people just sitting around, hanging out outside the building, and people who may need to go into the store for something can't get in for all the damn people just standing around?

And you wonder why people think what they think about what type of establishment you are running.....dumb asses.

An Excercise In Restraint

First off, I am going to say that this is totally not the norm for this blog however; it is a part of my life that is not posted on this blog. As I am trying to figure things out about myself and what I want to do, I will try to post these things here. Some of it will be just a random rant, thought or observation as I see and experience it. Other things will be of a more adult theme, some erotic thoughts, some my personal experiences. With that being said….

This past weekend was a true test of my restraint and will power. I hadn’t talked to my bf since about Tues. or Wed. of last week. The only way we halfway knew what was going on with each other was by logging onto MySpace and seeing the other had logged on. In our relationship, if one goes too long without contacting the other, we make sure we find out what is going on and check in with each other. I was part of the staff and production/sound/music crew for an event that was held at a local hotel. By Friday when she hadn’t heard from me, she called and was like I’m coming to see you when I get off work and get the kids squared away. I’m like okay. I get sooo damn excited when I see her (you have to know our past, but I guess you can guess). So, I’m like getting ready and then another friend of mine calls and says she is about to come through too. So they both get there within 10 minutes of each other. We go to the hotel room and have some wine and they eat cheesecake. My one friend leaves and it’s just me and my bf and anytime we are alone, ANYTHING is prone to happen. We get on the laptop and proceed to pull up some very adult sites and we are both some very horny individuals by nature so of course the juices start to flow.
I had to exercise restraint this night because it was too risky, meaning that my sister, with whom I was sharing the room, could have walked in at anytime. Plus, once I get going, there is no stopping me! I really wanted to so, so, so bad, but I had to hold back. When talking to another friend (who is male and is on MY MOST wanted list) said lock the door and use double locks. That was an option and then it really wasn’t. I don’t like to be interrupted!! I am so in love with her pussy it’s unreal. I just want to watch it and hold it and touch it and smell it and lick it and bite it….whoa! I kinda let myself go there, but I think I have gotten my point across. We didn’t do anything this time, but there will be a next time because there are some things I want to try and there will be no restraint or resistance shown. NONE.

Why Did You Do That?!!

This is just beyond stupid people. I left home this afternoon on my way to run some errands and pick up the kids and stuff like that. After I made one stop to get money and gas, I carry on with the task at hand. There is one part of this street that has very big hills. So as I top one hill and going down another, this stupid ass idiot zooms out from a side street and instead of getting he ass over into the far lane, he gets right in the lane where I am. Now, you know that when you are going downhill, your car automatically speeds up. This bastard finally decides to get into the far lane and I go on by and as I went by I let them know exactly what was on my mind. As I approach the next stoplight, I look in my rearview and lo and behold-this foolio is behind me about to turn the same direction as me!!! I think to myself, "Oh, its on now!!!!!" We proceed on down the street and this person never seems to catch up to me and I am kinda excited that I am going to get to get this persons tag number and put their dumb ass on blast!! I think they knew that I was a little pissed because like I said, they never seemed to catch up. They turned into this shopping center and they had better be glad, because if I had had just a little more time.....

Ooh, I hope I see them again!!!!

My Kicks...

So, I have recently started to up my shoe game a little bit. In the past, I guess I wasn't that into shoes but now I am. I think it's part of my transition, if you will, into a more verstile person as far as fashion goes. I have began to venture into the realm of jewelry and make-up, which is something that I wasn't really interested in before. But, this here post is about my shoes... Here is a pic of a pair that I got last year that I really like. I like the colors red and black anyway, so this was a love at first sight thing....plus it gives me a chance to post a pic within a post which I have never done before...

I must say, these are one of my favs....

Just Another Day

It has been an okay day today, I guess. I went to church and then shopping with my sister at a new store I found in the next town over. She spent waaaaaay too much time in there. I was finished and ready to go.

This is a boring post.

Right On Time...

Wow, it has been a long time since I posted something and the last time I did, I was VERY upset. Things have gotten a little better, but the main thing is that I have taken the time to evaluate my situation and am learning that I have to do what best for me and my personal well being.